Rasputin Speaks: 1.20.12

Most magnificent Rasputin,
Is it ok to steal your roommate's bread, as long as you sneak it out from the middle of the loaf?
-Anonymous


Dearest Anonymous,


Yours is an age-old question first formally addressed in Sir Quincy R. Mentonbaugh's treatise on bread-related moral predicaments in the late 18th century. Although covering a range of issues (even going so far as to discuss confectionery conundrums), Sir Quincy's work of literary genius begins with a scenario similar to the one you have proffered.


Imagine, thou descendest the flagstone steps into the Comissary, and Beholdest Breads and Buns of thine Companion. But Ay! Thine own Bread Box lay most inexcusably Barren. What doest thou then? For thy want of Bread ceaseth not, and thy Companion is a Silly man, who taketh no serious consideration to his Baked Goodes! Shalt thou then not Merely remove the innards from the rolls, scrape off the bottoms of his Loaves, or lick the Toppings from his Pastries? 


Sir Qunicy ultimately concludes that stealing bread (or any other baked good) is not acceptable, even if it is cleverly disguised. His work provoked a deeply philosophical and often heated debate on the thievery of breads and other foods, with especially acute disagreements on how such thievery should be disguised. 


But the debate was settled and subsequently silenced in the early 1900s by Rasputin, who declared his unswerving support for Sir Quincy's conclusions. Empirical analyses performed by Ask Rasputin Correspondents throughout the years have found evidence to support the idea that other peoples' bread is not to be trifled with. 


Our very best to you and to your roommate,


The Ask Rasputin Team